Rerun

Had a bit of a wake up call today...completely out of nowhere. Isn't it funny how some people and their decisions can affect your mindset without them doing anything? Without them even knowing you? Life is so strange..I haven't figured it out yet, but I feel like I'm getting closer. I'm the only one who can make my own decisions, and I'm also the only one who can keep myself from making those decisions. I'm the only one stopping myself from taking the chances that I need to take and getting out there. I'm done holding myself back and holding a spot for someone who doesn't deserve it.

Goodbye 2013

This year has without a doubt, been the most challenging of my entire life. But I've also learned more about myself, and life in general than any other year. There's always going to be ups and downs, but I'm ready for more ups...and I know that's completely up to me and no one else now, I have to just remember that and everything else will fall into place. 2014, it's very good to see you.

Open.

I've always heard the saying,"you can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." And frankly that book has been closed for a while, but today I realized that from time to time, I find myself drifting back into the book, and re-reading the same lines over and over...for no reason other than the fact that it's what I'm used to doing. The fact that I did it for such a long time, and planned to do it for much longer.. It became an unconscious routine for me. And I realized that I'm just torturing myself by doing so. I don't WANT to re-read that book anymore. That book is no longer part of my life and it will never be again. So today, I threw the book away, and promised myself that I will never look back again, and only move forward. I'll find a new book someday, and it will be SO much better for me. And I'm very much looking forward to it. :)

Happy that I finally accepted the fact that book is not the one I'll read forever.

About time.

Finally feeling like I'm able to let go of everything. As shitty as it is, I think this is what I've needed for a long time. 

Truth.

Never forget.

But there are some things you just know.

There's no way to explain this to anyone, and even if there were, there's no way they'd understand. But that's ok, I don't need anyone to get it, because I do and that's the important thing. It's a feeling that overwhelms every sense I have. It puts a calmness over my life and everything happening in it. I know everything will work out the way it's meant to, and I've never been so sure of something. There is no need to question it because I already know the answer. This is how I wish all situations could be solved.

There may come a time in life where you need to turn off a part of your heart for a while. Not because you don't want it anymore, but because you want to save it and not let anything tarnish it. It's the hardest thing you might ever have to do, but it's necessary for your personal growth and also for your future. For your life. And whoever you choose to have in your life. Things fall apart not only so better things can fall together, but also so that you can figure out who you are, which direction you're going to go in your life, and who will be involved. There are people that will let this take over their lives and eventually ruin them, and there are others who will take it for what it is and use it to make something better. I believe I am the ladder. I don't believe there are coincidences, or things that happen by chance. I believe everything boils down to fate and the only decisions we have in that, are which direction we take to get there, and how long it takes us. Everything happens for a reason, and sooner or later, you will know why.

Heart at war.

I don't have a choice,
But I still choose you.