strength is a funny thing.

i've always thought of myself as a very independent, strong person. i've been through hard times and i've been at the end of my rope once or twice. but i've always been able to get through it, and i've always learned from it.
this, however, i did not prepare myself for. i never thought i'd have to deal with something like this and i hope i never do again. it is without a doubt the hardest hit i've ever taken, and it didn't even happen to me.

to walk into a hospital room expecting the worst and then having your fears confirmed. almost not being able to recognize a close friend. to sit there in disbelief but having to admit to yourself that this is real. this is not a dream, this is real and now we have to deal with it. having to hold back tears until you are by yourself and then completely losing it. realizing that everytime you see him, you will think of how he looked TODAY. not knowing the right words to say except, "i love you." not knowing if he truly understands that he is loved by so many. wanting nothing more than to just go give him a hug like you did the other night, but knowing even a hug could hurt him more.
my friends are family to me. i honestly feel that way, and i hope that i show it. i love them with all my heart and seeing one of them hurt is the same to me as having a broken heart.

you can not prepare yourself for everything. i am truly sorry for anyone who has to go through this. never take anything or anyone for granted.

dear...

you are not invincible, despite the fact that you seem to think so.
i want to be mad at you for this, but i love you too much.

please stop. for yourself and for all of us who care about you.

whoa..

sometimes i think my guy friends know me better than i know myself. lately, anyway..

i guess sometimes they know what they're talking about..maybe if i listened to them a little more my life might make more sense..





haha, yeah right.