no, i don't fucking get it.

you have no idea and i doubt you ever will. not only because you don't ask..but also because i know myself well enough to admit that i'm too stubborn to ever let you know how hard this was for me.

you realize this is the last thing i ever expected of you.

i hate that you let this happen. i hate that you let it get this bad. and it kills me that you're not going to do anything about it. i know that without you even saying a word..because you haven't said a word yet.

sleep deprivation = brain overdrive.

when you feel like you're not doing anything, it's because you're not doing anything.
you're not going anywhere, because you're doing the same thing everyday.

i'm stuck. i'm fed up. i'm ready for something new.
i'm tired of knowing what's going to happen next..i need some goddamn variety.

I'M BORED.

REVISON.

on second thought..fuck you.

"things can't always be black and white..

sometimes, there has to be gray."
man, i am going through some shit right now.
it's funny how sometimes all it takes is one little thing to make you see the whole picture.

the olympics always get me.

i want so badly to swim again more than anything else in the world.
so much so, that i'm willing to give up everything at this point for it.

talking to myself..

at some point, you have to stop being unhappy. there is no point in going along every day with that same sinking feeling. that youre not good enough. that everything you do adds up to nothing. that everything said or done in the past doesnt matter anymore. that as hard as you try, it wont be worth it.
at some point, you have to move on. you have to focus on yourself. what you want, and what makes you happy instead of what works for everyone else. you have to stop depending on anyone except yourself.
at some point, you have to rethink everything you've believed in.
at some point, you have to start over. you have to realize what you're doing wrong and how to stop. you're 22 years old, you're grown up. you're responsible. independent as all hell. you don't NEED anyone. you have a great family and great friends and thats all you NEED.
at some point, you have to get your life together. find out what it is that makes you happy and keep it. don't risk your pride. don't risk your values. don't change for anyone. take risks, but smart ones. stop waiting, just go.

i should have known from the beginning, i actually think i did..but was trying to believe something else. i should have known so many times, but i shut myself up.
too much of a dreamer sometimes.