Goodbye 2013

This year has without a doubt, been the most challenging of my entire life. But I've also learned more about myself, and life in general than any other year. There's always going to be ups and downs, but I'm ready for more ups...and I know that's completely up to me and no one else now, I have to just remember that and everything else will fall into place. 2014, it's very good to see you.

Open.

I've always heard the saying,"you can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." And frankly that book has been closed for a while, but today I realized that from time to time, I find myself drifting back into the book, and re-reading the same lines over and over...for no reason other than the fact that it's what I'm used to doing. The fact that I did it for such a long time, and planned to do it for much longer.. It became an unconscious routine for me. And I realized that I'm just torturing myself by doing so. I don't WANT to re-read that book anymore. That book is no longer part of my life and it will never be again. So today, I threw the book away, and promised myself that I will never look back again, and only move forward. I'll find a new book someday, and it will be SO much better for me. And I'm very much looking forward to it. :)

Happy that I finally accepted the fact that book is not the one I'll read forever.

About time.

Finally feeling like I'm able to let go of everything. As shitty as it is, I think this is what I've needed for a long time. 

Truth.

Never forget.

But there are some things you just know.

There's no way to explain this to anyone, and even if there were, there's no way they'd understand. But that's ok, I don't need anyone to get it, because I do and that's the important thing. It's a feeling that overwhelms every sense I have. It puts a calmness over my life and everything happening in it. I know everything will work out the way it's meant to, and I've never been so sure of something. There is no need to question it because I already know the answer. This is how I wish all situations could be solved.

There may come a time in life where you need to turn off a part of your heart for a while. Not because you don't want it anymore, but because you want to save it and not let anything tarnish it. It's the hardest thing you might ever have to do, but it's necessary for your personal growth and also for your future. For your life. And whoever you choose to have in your life. Things fall apart not only so better things can fall together, but also so that you can figure out who you are, which direction you're going to go in your life, and who will be involved. There are people that will let this take over their lives and eventually ruin them, and there are others who will take it for what it is and use it to make something better. I believe I am the ladder. I don't believe there are coincidences, or things that happen by chance. I believe everything boils down to fate and the only decisions we have in that, are which direction we take to get there, and how long it takes us. Everything happens for a reason, and sooner or later, you will know why.

Heart at war.

I don't have a choice,
But I still choose you.

Perfect.

I've never come across a saying that completes me more than this one. That's one thing I can be sure about, the woman I've been and the one I'm becoming is who I've always wanted to be...and that's not going anywhere, no matter what.

Keep hope alive.

There's too many signs that point to yes to even let no be an option.
<3

Milestone #1

As of today, I have paid off my tuition, gave my work notice of my new schedule, getting ready to sign up at a gym, and have a plan. Not bad for 5 days into the year.






Also, today is the first day I haven't cried. And I realized that the only thing keeping me from you, is yourself.

New start 2013.

Well, it's the first day of the new year...and I can say that I honestly never guessed I'd be here, in the position I'm in today. But I guess that's life right? You never know what's going to happen..
I know I'm strong and that I can get through this, but my mind has a way of always trying to talk me out of it..I'm working on that, mainly bc I trust my heart more than my mind. And at least that's something I know will never change.
I'm getting back to the old me, not bc I don't like the new me, but bc that's really the only option I have at the moment. But there are some new things I'm taking with me on this journey..
I never want anyone or anything to make me a bitter, less trusting, less loving person. There will always be hard times in life, but I'm not going to let that change who I have become. I don't want to put up walls again, it took so long for them to come down the first time, I'm just leaving them alone and not wasting time on building them up again. I love to love. I trust my heart and know that things are going to work out, one way or another. I will not let this break me, or ruin me, or turn me into something I'm not. I will not be an angry, cold hearted, hopeless person. I will continue to have faith in love, loyalty, and kindness. I will not become a victim of heartbreak, even though I know all too well how easy that can be...bc it is the worst feeling I have ever had to feel. And I will never wish that on anyone, or never make anyone feel from me. It's time to love myself, because I've never really gotten the chance to, and when it is time, I will be able to love more than anyone expected.
I will try my hardest to turn this into a positive thing, and never stop listening to my heart. No matter what.
<3